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them cassetteboy mashups raps tories

Watch David Cameron deliver his Tory conference speech… as a rap!

Comedy cut and paste merchants Cassetteboy are back, having transformed David Cameron into a rapper

In this amazing alternate version of his conference speech:

Dave is not amused

Cheer up Dave, at least Ed Sheeran loves you

us liveblog david cameron

David Cameron’s Conference Speech - Liveblog

The unfiltered brain-excrement of Sir Ian Bowler, MP for Buckland and Ruttington

Yes, we’ve got an actual real pretend MP watching the Tory conference, so you don’t have to:

them david cameron geoffrey boycott william hague yorkshire

David Cameron thinks William Hague is the greatest living Yorkshireman. Google disagrees.

No, even if he did drink used to drink 17 pints of beer a day, just NO

Here’s conclusive proof from Google of who the greatest living Yorkshireman *actually* is:

So bog off, Dave

tax discs them biscuits

What are you going to do with your redundant tax disc holder?

Well, here’s one idea for what to do with it now tax discs have been abolished

Could also be used to store spare beef burgers, drinks coasters and pogs

movies quizzes mean girls

It’s time to go back to high school, with our Mean Girls quiz!

Do you know enough trivia to sit with the Plastics?

Find out in our latest movie quiz!

us vegetarianism

18 moronic questions that will drive every vegetarian to bite people to death just to shut them up

You’d think people would have got used to the idea of vegetarianism by now. It’s really not a difficult concept to grasp. You don’t eat meat and fish; you do eat, uh, everything else basically.

But still the questions come. The ridiculous, socially-inappropriate questions. And the assertions so stupid you find it hard to believe they’re being spoken by a real, human adult.

In an attempt to prevent you completely losing the will to live, we’ve made a list of 18 stupid things all vegetarians will hear at some point in their lives, along with recommendations of how to respond the next time you’re confronted with such dull-witted idiocy.

1. But where do you get your protein from?

Meat and fish aren’t the only sources of protein, and if you don’t know that you’re a fool.

2. So, like, are you one of those animal rights weirdos or something?

Compassion for animals? How awful.

3. But whhyyy are you vegetarian?

"I hate animals so much I don’t even want them in my mouth" was the lie one of our friends thought up, to stop people being so fucking repetitive.

4. If your mum was going to die if you didn’t, would you eat a burger? Would you eat a pork chop for a million quid?

Yes. I don’t want my mum to die and, like many people, I’d quite like lots of money.

5. BUT WHAT ABOUT BACON?!?!

It’s BACON, not a vital organ I’m electing to go without.

Also, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know because I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfucker, so there’s that.

6. Does this mean oral sex is out of the question?

Yup. But not for the reason you think.

7. Would you like the special vegetarian option, that’s the same as the main option minus the meat?

No, and I don’t want a bloody stuffed pepper either. Stop stuffing peppers.

8. You do know that the animals are going to be killed anyway – you’re not saving anything?

Oh no, you’ve found a loophole to my logic! I must eat burgers until I explode!

9. Is it because of your religion?

Is it part of your religion to ask pointless, intrusive questions?

10. Do you hate me because I eat meat?

Not really, I can cope with the idea that people have different opinions to me. I do hate you for being a tedious bore though.

Actually, no, I hate you because you’re made of meat.

11. What about eggs? They’re baby chickens YOU SATANIST

Closer to chicken periods really, but yes, poultry farming isn’t always lovely. Even if the box says “free range”.

Really, the only truly ethical stance is veganism, then self-euthanisation. But you know, stuff to do…

12. How do you stay healthy?

Um… You don’t need meat to stay healthy.

13. Are you really a vegetarian? You’re too thin/fat

I appreciate your concern, truly.

14. Don’t you know we evolved to eat meat? You’re going against nature!

Nope, we evolved to be omnivores. We can survive on pretty much anything.

15. Do you feed your cat meat? Ah! See! You agree that eating meat is necessary!

I also allow my cat to shit in a tray in the kitchen. As you may be able to tell, we abide by different life rules.

16. You made the choice to be a vegetarian - shouldn’t you go all the way and avoid Quorn mince and sausages?

Well… mainly I shouldn’t eat them because they’re just not as delicious as halloumi or a paneer curry.

But ethically, it’s equivalent to accusing someone eating a gingerbread man of cannibalism.

17. Look, can’t you just eat it? Stop making a fuss

No. C’mon, it’s not that hard to work around. There’s loads of great vegetarian food. Pizza for example, one of the most popular foods in the world.

18. And finally, worst of all: you do know Hitler was a vegetarian don’t you?

Ah, reductio ad Hitlerum.