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guardans of the galaxy them music metaphors

Drax not getting metaphors: the music edition!

If you’ve seen Guardians of the Galaxy, you know that Drax’s grasp of metaphors is limited at best

If you haven’t, you definitely should. In the meantime, here’s the relevant quote, put on a lovely motivational poster:

Alright, back with us now? Brilliant

Let’s all enjoy these Photoshops of Drax being confused by music lyrics, then:

"Wake up in the mornin’ feelin’ like P-Diddy…"

"Are we humans? Or are we dancers?"

"They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me…"

(this doesn’t require any explanation, does it?)

(Pics:Schrodinger’s Owen, whose genius definitely made us cackle a bit too much)

them windows phone bugs

What on Earth is this monstrous thing?

When confronted by this alarming sight, a resident of Southeastern Pennsylvania turned to the internet for help

Image: reddit.

What on Earth had they found?

Luckily, reddit was on hand to answer

Via @DuncanRiley

Still, it could have been worse. The screen could have been on

Oh, and the caterpillar? A hickory horned devil. It grows into a moth with a 6-inch wingspan. SLEEP WELL

dr who Doctor Who drinking us

Introducing: the Doctor Who Drinking Game!

Doctor Who is back!

We know you know that Doctor Who came back on Saturday, and surely you know we know you kn… anyway.

We absolutely love Doctor Who, and so do you, so we wanted to do something special for Capaldi’s first season.

To be frank, we didn’t really have any concrete plans, and this was all a bit last minute but hey, what is the one thing that makes everything better? Drinking games. Obviously.

Without further ado…

The classics:

* When you hear the Tardis noise, take a sip!

* When there’s an on-screen snog, take a sip!

* When there’s a joke about Scottishness, take a sip!

* When Clara looks all worried and says ‘Doctor…?’, take a sip!

The specials:

* When someone stands by a door, the first person shouting ‘come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off’ gets to make the person of their choice down half their drink.

* When a Dalek arrives on screen, do the Dalek face:

The person who did the least convincing Dalek face takes two sips.

* When the Weeping Angels arrive on screen, stop moving and blinking. First person to move, or blink downs half their drink.

* When the Doctor mentions the sonic screwdriver not working on wood, down half your drink while maintaining suggestive eye contact with the person next to you.

For the hardcore players:

* Drink continuously when there are people running on-screen.

One last thing…

You should probably play this game with beer or cider - anything stronger may just be a bit too adventurous.

If you have any other ideas, leave them in the comments! If we like them, we’ll add them to the list.

Alright, have fun!

And remember, time tots, alcohol is only for *responsible* *adults*!

apple back to the future cupertino start your photocopiers them

Apple Computers once had an amazing vision of the future: a strange time, called 1997

While everyone’s waiting to see if Apple really are going to make a stupid space watch, we decided to take a trip back in time to 1987

When Apple attempted to take a trip forward, to… 1997!

In a strange promotional video, they take us on a tour of the world of the future, with Apple-powered psychiatrists

Business holograms

Satellites

And… kitchen computers?

The video peaks with this amazing rendering of the Apple computer’s eventual replacement

That’s right, APPLE GLASSES!

Other predictions include, strangely, the existence of a BBC3 - 6 years early and, well, not *quite*

Sadly for Apple, by the time the real 1997 rolled around this all looked hopelessly optimistic - here’s CEO John Sculley in “1997”

Except in the real 1997, John Sculley had long since departed, having been forced out in 1993 because of the company’s poor financial performance.

And the video includes a *very* optimistic graph of Apple’s performance on the stock market through the ’90s

But the real 1997 did mark something of a turning point - after 3 years in which the company developed even bigger financial problems, Sculley’s successor was turfed out, and a man who’d recently rejoined the company as an advisor the previous year stepped in…

Yes, founder Steve Jobs was back and the rest is CONSUMERIST iHISTORY

Anyway, come on Apple, bollocks to ‘smartwatches’, surely the world is now ready for your ultimate product!

Here’s the full video:

them bbc year book radio good listening

"Give the wireless a rest now and then" - the BBC’s retro advice for "good listening"

This brilliant set of official instructions was published by Auntie Beeb during WWII

It was in the BBC Year Book 1940, and presumably written for people who’d bought a radio but didn’t know what the hell to do with it.

"Hello? Anyone listening?"

The advice essentially boils down to PAY ATTENTION

We particularly love “If you only listen with half an ear you haven’t a quarter of a right to criticise.”

Here’s the full text:

GOOD LISTENING

Make sure that your set is working properly before you settle down to listen.

Choose your programmes as carefully as you choose which theatre to go to. It is just as important to enjoy yourself at home as at the theatre.

Listen as carefully at home as you do in a theatre or concert hall. You can’t get the best out of a programme if your mind is wandering, or if you playing bridge or reading. Give it your full attention. Try turning out the lights so your eye is not caught by familiar objects in the room. Your imagination will be twice as vivid.

If you only listen with half an ear you haven’t a quarter of a right to criticise.

Think of your favourite occupation. Don’t you like a change sometimes? Give the wireless a rest now and then.

The beeb does still produces an annual report today - it’s available to download from their website.
them robots overlords incompetent rubbish

We welcome our robot overlords. They’re just as incompetent as us

If they ever do take over, just remember this merry robot rubbish collector, and relax

Oh well, at least our pocket calculator stays viable - we can always count on that!