Miracle ‘weeping tree’ is actually a fountain of bug faeces

For the past week parishioners from St. Johns Catherdral in Fresno have been worshipping a tree said to cry ‘God’s tears’ when you stand underneath and pray to it.

“When you say ‘glory be to God in Jesus name’ the tree starts throwing out more water,” exclaimed parishioner Mari Ybarra.

The Lord works in mysterious shitty ways

Unfortunately for them, unless the word of God really is spread by crap showers, the reality of the ‘weeping tree’ is far more mundane: it’s aphid shit.

“It’s a honey dew excrement from the aphid. It gets so heavy in the summertime that it will drip down,” says local aborist Jon Reelhorn.

Not that this explanation will deter the congregation: “I can tell you looking at it from a scientific standpoint and a spiritual standpoint it is the work of God manifesting here on earth,” Ybarra insists.

Added bonus: The species of tree is known as a Crape Myrtle.

For those who got time on their hands – watch the video

by UsVsTh3m Staff

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